Today. Today is a big day. The last time I blogged about our infertility struggles we were just digesting the news of IVF being the option on the table. That was almost exactly one year ago. We didn’t want to rush it, we wanted to let ourselves heal a little emotionally from the toll two years of TCC takes on a person, and on a marriage. We needed some time, so we took it. 

So we gave ourselves a break, we prayed, we cried, we got mad, we grieved the loss of normalcy in this process, we regrouped, we traveled, we considered other options, we talked, we worked extra hard, we saved money,  we prayed and hoped we wouldn’t have to do it, then prayed for the peace to walk forward in it if we needed to. This last year has been so many things. Mostly it has been a year of being stretched, a year of patience,  a year of learning to lean in and trust God when our world felt like it was bending in the wind. But, tonight I give myself my first shots. Tonight is Day 1, round 1, IT’S HAPPENING. IVF is starting. I can hardly believe it’s here. I feel hopeful, I feel excitement, I feel scared, I feel exposed, I feel peace. And sometimes I still feel anger and bitterness that we have to do it this way. It’s raw, it’s emotional, and it’s OUR story. I want to own it. I want to feel it all. And I know beyond all doubt that whatever the outcome of this cycle, it’s getting us one step closer to our babies.  To our dream of meeting the one (s) who have felt missing for the past three years. Oh how my heart aches and swells at the thought of meeting them soon. Ultimately it may be another road that leads us to our children. Who are we to say. But this one feels important, this one feels sacred. We are ready. We are doing this.

HERE. WE. GO.